Values

Your values are a toolkit, not a trophy cabinet

Getting clear on what matters to us is a very worthwhile investment of our time and attention. But, it's only the first step. Bringing them to life is what really makes the difference.

Photo by Lance Chang / Unsplash

Hi there!

This past month, my professional focus has been on values and how to use them.

On the podcast, the blog and on WorkLifeSpark, I've been exploring values as a vital tool for navigating life. They're core to my work as a coaching psychologist, and yet can often feel distant and 'fluffy'... hard to define, harder to use. But let's start at the very beginning...

What do we actually mean by "Values"?

It's worth pausing on the very meaning of the word, because "values" gets used loosely, particularly in corporate settings. Values are the personal qualities we want to bring to life: the stuff that's meaningful and important to us, whether that's connection, compassion, professionalism, or life-long learning.

They're easy to confuse with goals, so a quick distinction helps. Goals are destinations: pass the exam, land the promotion, finish the project. Once you get there, they're done, crossed off. Values are more like a direction of travel. They don't get "completed"; they persist, guiding you long after any single goal has been reached.

Russ Harris puts it simply: values are about what you want to do, not how you want to feel. They're not a mood to chase or a state of comfort to arrive at. They're a compass for behaviour, useful precisely because they're flexible enough to express in countless small ways, rather than one more rigid rule to follow.

And yet naming our values is the easy part. Getting clear on what matters to us is a very worthwhile investment of our time and attention. But, it's only the first step. Bringing them to life is what really makes the difference. Using them to navigate our everyday routines, to help us make decisions, work through novel situations and persist through challenges.

Values in everyday situations

The real work when it comes to values is in living them, particularly in the small, unremarkable moments that make up most of a working week.

This is where a common gap opens up: between the values we'd state out loud and the ones we actually act on. You can probably picture your organisation's stated values on a poster or a slide somewhere. The trouble starts when those words stop matching behaviour, especially under pressure. That gap rarely goes unnoticed by the people around us, and it breeds more cynicism than having no stated values at all.

It's also worth saying plainly: living your values isn't always comfortable. Giving honest feedback to a colleague, putting yourself forward for something that scares you a little, having the conversation you'd rather avoid: these can be some of the most values-driven things we do, and they can feel difficult in the moment. Avoiding that discomfort brings short-term relief, but at a cost, because we don't do the thing we actually believe matters.

The good news is that bringing values to life doesn't require grand gestures. A useful daily question: what's one small thing you could do today that reflects what genuinely matters to you? Or, looking back over the day so far: what have you already done that was values-aligned, even if you didn't notice it at the time?

Values are tools - they don't belong in a trophy cabinet

There's a way of thinking about values that I find tends to land well in coaching conversations: treat them as tools, not ideals to admire from a distance. Tools are instruments you pick up and use, again and again, in the ordinary business of living and working. And a few useful things follow from that shift in thinking:

Tools imply skill. Nobody's naturally fluent with a new tool the first time they pick it up. The same is true of values: knowing what matters to you is only the starting point. Using that knowledge well, especially under pressure, takes practice.
Tools have a specific purpose. We don't reach for one all-purpose value and apply it to every situation. Just as a teaspoon isn't designed to open a bottle, each value has its place, which is why it's worth getting familiar with the full range of things that matter to you, rather than defaulting to a single go-to value regardless of context.
Values work like a compass, not a satnav. A compass gives you a sense of direction; it doesn't hand you a precise route. It tells you which way is north, but how far you walk in that direction depends entirely on the situation you're in. That's what makes values flexible rather than rigid.
Tools are meant to be used, not preserved. It's tempting to save your values for the big moments and otherwise leave them to one side. But values are most useful when they're part of the everyday, not reserved for emergencies.

Something to try in the month ahead

Pick one value that matters to you, and one everyday situation where you'll deliberately "reach for that tool" this week: perhaps a conversation you've been putting off, a moment of choosing presence over distraction, or simply how you respond the next time something doesn't go to plan.

Afterwards, take a moment to notice what difference it made. Did it make the situation easier, clearer, or more aligned with the person you want to be? That small act of reflection is often what turns knowing your values into a skill you can actually rely on.

✨ A new shop front

I dedicated quite a bit of the summer months to creating a brand new website for WorkLifePsych. It's finally live and you can see the various improvements and additions at worklifepsych.com

🗓️ Dates for your diary

WorkLifeSpark is our online personal development community where, each month, I facilitate a 'Learn at Lunch' session which is free for members. Over the final three months of this year, going to be focusing on the following themes, with 'Learn at Lunch' sessions scheduled as follows:

1st October: Thinking about your thinking
2nd November: Mindful focus
1st December: Preparing for 2027

Don't worry if the schedule doesn't work for you. Each session is recorded and shared on the community for members to view at their leisure. You can find out more about the community here: https://www.worklifepsych.com/community-and-learning/worklifespark/